Stop asking women about their weight

Over a year ago, I walked past a mirror and noticed a significant bulging of my neck. After mentally freaking out, I called the Dr. to get in the next day.

I was at the Dr. the week before for bronchitis/sinus infection so maybe the virus turned into something a little more neck focused.  Is that even a thing? Let’s google that.

I self-diagnosed that my thyroid was enlarged and it turns out it was 3 times the size of a normal sized one.

Oh.

That turned into a host of tests and diagnosis from Celiac to Hashimoto’s. I now have many blood draws a year due to having 3/4ths of my thyroid out in June.

No cancer, thank goodness.

Before I had any diagnosis, I gained about 25lbs in 15 months’ time. Gaining weight due to a bum thyroid is no joke people. Having issues with gluten only added onto the already perfect storm of weight gain. Inflammation is now my enemy #1.

To say that I was not functioning very well during that time is an understatement. I remember when my endocrinologist looked at my numbers and said

“You know you’ve only been functioning with 40% brain power.”

That may be surprising for those who know me. I was a high functioning 40% for sure, but I can tell you that I wasn’t all right. For a long time, I could tell that my brain was just not working. I would be unable to process thoughts or forget words of items that were right in front of me. I was sleeping up to 14 hours a day. The 3:00pm crash time was like I was in a coma.

 

Since diagnosis, proper treatment, a surgery, and a pretty radical diet overhaul, I have lost that weight. And that’s good. I’m not complaining and honestly hope it continues. All indications point to that happening. It’s sloooowwwww, but it’s happening.

And my brain and overall health? So good.

My auto immune disease is in remission. My brain function is back.  I don’t nap any more. I haven’t had a sinus infection, ear infection or anything that has required the Dr. since diagnosis. I feel pretty damn good.

So stop asking me if I’ve lost weight.

Why?

First, because my weight is none of your business.

Second?

No one ever asked if I gained the weight when I did so how does losing weight make the topic open for discussion?

Third?

Because my health is more important than my appearance.

As a matter of fact, stop asking any women if they’ve lost weight.

Because maybe they have and it’s not because they wake up at 5:50am to do Pilates, eat kale all day, and kick box in the afternoons.

Maybe it’s because they lost a loved one. Maybe it’s because they’ve been diagnosed with cancer. Maybe they have a mental illness.

Maybe they don’t know why.

So next time you suspect a women has lost weight, instead of asking about her appearance, talk about her as a person.

“How are you feeling lately?”

“You look really healthy, happy, or alive.”

There is only shallow confidence to be gained by receiving weight loss compliments and my health and soul goes so much deeper.

The Divorce Phase

When you’re a child, I’m not sure that the phases of life are that obvious.  It was around my 20’s that I started to see them.

First came the engagement announcements and in 5 years, all of my friends were married.

Then there were baby announcements as my friends grew into families.

The early family phase years are hard. You have new adjustments from couplehood into familyhood. You have less sleep, less time alone, less time as a couple.  Some couples didn’t fare well during this time period, but it was not the norm amongst my peer group.  The 50% divorce rate just wasn’t seen around me.

Until it was.

As I’m in my early 40’s, It’s clearly obvious that now I’m in the divorce period.  These are mostly marriages almost hitting their 20 years mark. You know, maybe the point at which you think you’re safe with your partner for life. I’m hearing of a divorce about 1x a month.

I’ve learned that no relationship is a guarantee.  Those happy, secure couples in their 30’s? Look around. 50% will dissolve.

It makes me think. Why at this point are so many marriages falling apart?

Sure, some of the marriages were the cliché “Husband found a younger woman, co-worker, secretary, hooker” syndrome.

But not all.  I quite admire the couples who can just decide it’s not working and move on to the unknown.

I guess I just didn’t realize that this is a phase in life.  This phase has stirred up feelings of insecurity, sadness, and brings with it a transition of emotions and support.

I have no idea why I’m writing this.

I hope to have a lifelong marriage filled with love, support and laughter. Hell, that IS what I signed up for and anyone who knows my husband knows I picked good. REAL GOOD, you guys. At the core of who he is, is exactly aligned with who I would choose again. And we are so great together.

So for this phase, I choose us.  Forever.

11 things not to say to parents of gifted children.

My son has recently started Jr. high and is in this phase of crazy brain development. It happens periodically and when it does, I truly can not keep up. The stuff that he comes up with is nothing short of mind blowing.When he’s in this phase, it becomes apparent how different he can be from his peers. I know that adults have noticed as well because the following have been said to me and also happen to be the most common misconceptions about gifted children.

1) How did you make your kid so smart?

Um….first I gave birth. Second, I just provided an environment that was open to him exploring and learning on his own.

2) Your kid will be just fine no matter what.

 

3) Wow, for a kid who is so smart, he sure is emotional.

Trust me. I’m  aware.

 

4) I’m sure he’ll get a scholarship to college.

Maybe but there’s no guarantee to that.

 

5) I’m sure he can get into an Ivy League college.

Hahahaha.  Probably not. Also, I don’t even care.

 

6) Your child probably gets straight A’s.

He gets a lot of them but I really appreciate those other grades that make him pause and evaluate.

 

7) School must be so easy for him.

In some ways, I would agree but it doesn’t equal success and I’m not impressed with A’s when little effort has been put into them.

 

8) I’m trying to make my kid gifted too.

 

9) Your child doesn’t need different instruction.  We’re meeting his needs just     fine.

Based on what evidence?

 

10) How can your child be gifted if they can barely write their name?

It’s called asynchrony development.

 

11) Every child is gifted.  

No. They’re not.  

Kids with food allergies, I got you covered.

I’ve been gluten free for almost 1.5 years. In that time I have learned a lot about hidden gluten, cross contamination, and manufacturing of food. It’s not easy, but it is always necessary for me to be informed so I don’t fall ill.

For example, I can eat a butterfinger but NOT a seasonal themed one. Why? They add gluten to the seasonal ones. Why?  I have no idea but that is just one example.

I’ve been decorating for Halloween for about 14 years. My display attracts quite a number of kids and I love the energy it brings to my little corner of the neighborhood.

This year, a local mother who has 2 children diagnosed with EOE posted about the teal pumpkin project. It was the first I had heard of it, but I knew immediately that I was going to participate.

I can’t imagine what it must be like to come to a house decorated like this

Halloween collage1

Just to realize that the treat bag has nothing in it that you can eat.

So count me in for supporting kids who have allergies and helping them feel like they’re included.

Teal Pumpkin

And for those naysayers about this effort?

It’s TRICK or treat you idiots.

No one is taking anything away from your snicker mouth stuffing kids.

What we are doing? Helping all children have a fun and safe Halloween.