Category Archives: I suck at Blogging

So Who’s Googling You?

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13

Ever google people? Sure you do. So you know that it’s always fun to see what the first link is that pops up.

If you’re lucky you’re googling your old high school boyfriend and the first link that comes up is “Dave shows Vegas his Dong”

If this happens, grab a margarita and give me a call.

But who’s googling you? And why?

I get that most “online” people get googled to some extent.

Maybe someone would google “The Next Martha” and see a bunch of links of predictions from Stewart Smalley to Zoe from Sesame Street.

I know I’m always offended. #Stomp

But I want to know WHO THE HELL IS GOOGLING MY NAME?!

Oh, you didn’t know that it’s NOT Martha?

Surprise! (Throws glitter in the air)

So here is my first guest poster with a little story. She’s sassy and snarky and if I met her in person, I’d bring #WineJen out to play. She’s just the kind of woman you want to hang with. She also calls herself a non-blogger too. She is @FamilySizedFun on twitter and her blog is Family Sized Fun.

Oh, I should also mention that she gave me this MONTHS ago.

What? You know how I half ass everything.

Follow her please? I suck.

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Google Yourself

I mean, you DO, don’t you? I do it all the time.

Look, no Mom in her right mind would be neglecting her toddlers as they put the finishing touches on the last details of utter destruction of every last shred of her hard work from yesterday just to GOOGLE themselves, would they?

I would.

I may even be doing it right now.

I mean, chances are, someone, somewhere will be googling you if you don’t do it first, and maybe you should know what is OUT THERE when they do.

I mean, someone out there is googling someone EVERY MINUTE, hell, thousands of people are googling even more thousands of people…I am sure you get my point.

It’s just, when someone out there googles “Jen Hajer” you’d think they would be directed HERE, to her official web presence, but no, the first place she pops up is on my blog, Family Sized Fun. Did I mention I have a blog? Or a few blogs as it may be considered. Yeah, I’d have to tell you, because my blogs get no traffic. But the traffic I do get? It’s all about Jen.

In fact, since the 1 time in June when she guest posted over at Family Sized Fun, “Jen Hajer” has been the #1 search term typed into google to get to my blog. Weird, hunh? Because when I google myself? The 2 pages of Karmen Van Derven lead no where near it.

So,whoever out there on the internets, that has been looking for Jen, but has been sadly directed to either Family Sized Fun, or the doucher with the Empty Subaru Blog instead, I present you this post in hopes that you got whatever it is that you googled her for.

And remember to Google responsibly. I mean really when you think about it, everyone you may be googling has googled other people, so, in effect, you are googling those people by association.
Tune in next time, when I talk about twittering yourself. Because I end up doing a lot of that, too.

More than 7 reasons I suck at Blogging

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46

A while back I had this thought.

“I really suck at blogging”

No really. I did.

Then I thought “I bet there are at least 5 reasons why”

Then I started writing them down.

And writing.

And writing.

Finally I just started laughing at myself because really?

That was easy to do as I stared at all my suckage on the screen.

My advice?

If you want to be an excellent blogger, learn from the worst.

Here are many items and if you do the opposite? Success will rain upon you.

Probably.

1) It starts with the log in folks. Yes, that’s right. I STILL need to go to the original email EVERY TIME to get my log in information from my tech guy who originally set up this up. (You didn’t think I did this myself did you?)
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2) After I get the log in worked out I get into my very fancy blog. I know you’re thinking “But you have nothing on it” That’s right, this is a suck post. I have No bling. None. Badge, button, banner– Huh?
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3) But let’s move on to the posts. That’s why we all do this right? How about reading my post on Blogher, Halloween, Texas State Fair, or the Master bedroom that I redid.

You don’t see any links to those do you? That’s right folks. I manage NOT to post some of the easiest posts to ever come to a blogger. I like to think I have a special talent for that kind of Super Suck.
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4) Oh, and speaking of Blogher do you know that I had a roommate? Of course you don’t. No post, no proof. Her name was @ToyWithMe and upon check in she told me that she had a rather large box of wevibe vibrators coming to our room. “Nice to meet you too” for the first time ever and omg we are sharing a bed and will she be USING them?! I have totally owed her that link since August.
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5) Speaking of people, I love the fact that you come here. I do. Just ask @ThreeInTheBed. Now she wrote me such a nice letter. The kind of letter that makes you think just for a moment that maybe you don’t suck. I could even say that maybe it was my first “fan letter” Until I mentally freaked out just thinking that someone might like something I do. Then I got all weird to think that anyone comes here at all. So you know what I did? Didn’t reply. So @ThreeInTheBed, please know that I was blown away and even if this is a month late. Thank you.
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6) But then people come here? Really? I checked those analytics things once. It said that people came here to find out how to make Corn Balls. Awesome. I never went back because if people were coming here to learn how make corn balls then obviously I have no business trying to attract MORE corn ball people.
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7) Someone offered me a give away once. My response was so lame that she was offended and unfollowed/ blocked me. The next day I added “Work on Tact” to list.
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8) Blog talk. I can’t even pretend that I even know what the hell this article means. Any of it.
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9) Someone is using my name to spam advertise for Subaru. Because forwarding an RSS feed means something. You should write that one down. Really. It’s a good one to know.
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So there is so much more that I wrote down but I think my point has been proven without a shadow of a doubt that I will NOT be writing any “Learn from me how to blog” posts anytime soon.

Now that we’ve got that taken care of, who wants to know something about twitter?

Hold on, Let me look up that log in info.

Again.
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I wish I was joking but that I have no idea how that little asshole smiley face got onto #8. I can’t make this up. I’ve tried deleting it. Just add it on to the proof pile.