I was recently getting ready to host a breakfast at my house and at some point started laughing at myself. You see, getting ready to host an event has drastically changed since I’ve had kids. Let me give you a few examples:
Before kids: Take careful time to create a menu all around a focused theme. Look through all the cook books, magazines and chose the perfect food that compliments the undertones of the hand-picked, only the best, Colombian coffee.
After kids: Pick up donuts from store. Sprinkle your own powdered sugar on top to make them look homemade. Also grab a premade fruit bowl, and granola bars. The theme is “I don’t give a shit.”
Before kids: Who are you kidding? You have no children your house is already cleaner than it will ever be in your life again but somehow you find stuff to clean. The whole house gets cleaned to the point of shiny. Baseboards, under the stove and refrigerator all sparkle. You make sure you have room in your coat closet for others and that it is neat and tidy. Bathrooms get fresh flowers. The morning of the event you have extra time so you do a quick dusting of all surfaces.
After kids: ONLY the 1st floor gets cleaned. Bathroom gets a candle with the light on a dimmer. Rooms get Febreezed. You’ve learned that smelling clean is more important than actual clean. Decide what parts of the house people will see. As people arrive, shove stuff into those opportunity holes to give allusion of being picked up.
You hope people don’t wear coats because you locked the coat closet.
That’s where you hid your laundry mountain.
Before kids: You spend a good amount of time putting together a centerpiece, handmade napkin holders, and place cards. Everything is coordinated in the perfect shade of sea green. You set out china on the table.
After kids: You dump donuts onto a plate and sprinkle with powdered sugar. That is your centerpiece. Napkin holders are dumb and sit where ever the hell you want.
I know I can’t be the only one right? Who has time for all that pre-children silliness? I host to bring friends together and have learned a lot of “faking it” tricks throughout the years. Besides, if they’re really my friends, they wouldn’t want me to clean. Only people who hate you want you to clean your house.
Haha I love this post. I don’t even have kids yet and I’ve already decided that most parties or gatherings require less effort.
It was the comments my friends made about how I made them feel a little guilty that I did so much work before they came to my place and when it was at their house I was lucky they cleaned the bathroom. (She was joking, but I realized that I was stressing myself out for very little added benefit.)
Hilarious! My girl is only 6 mo, doesn’t create a ton of mess on her own, but somehow I already see myself taking the switch!! Don’t worry, we’ll be able to rock the center pieces once our kids have left us for college. :(
I am a big fan of a lived in house. Because mine is. However, you are still amazing hostess! Had a fantastic spread this morning. I have NEVER once in my years of entertaining created a menu!
Jen, if you have to really clean when whoever it is is coming over, the hell with them. They should be coming over, looking forward to seeing what you’ve prepared, talk with friends and enjoy the ambiance!! it’s a wonderful, comfortable, relaxing place to be!!
Delightful. So true. I always put the dirty stuff in the oven. No one thinks to look there although I get what Angela is saying.
I’d have to be some sort of organizing genius not to have my dryer already full of last week’s not-yet-put-away clothes! How do you do it?! (That said, if you’re ever at my house, don’t pull back the shower curtain…)
Wait, I don’t have kids and I already do this. It’s gonna get WORSE?? Except we just throw everything in the basement, since no one ever goes down there. I can only imagine what having kids will do to our party prep :-P
Ha! I have my nooks and crannies too. But I can’t say I’ve ever used the washer/dryer. That’s a genius idea and I’ve never used it because my washer/dryer has always been in the laundry room in the basement where I do shove lots of stuff because there is no reason for anyone to go in there!