How to Pick a Crappy Contractor

Part One

I don’t do resolutions but I do make a yearly project list.

Our house is 19 years old so there is an endless list that makes me feel so………

We used to dream about Caribbean vacations and now we dream about dealing with this situation:

The gold. It hurts.


This picture was from the walkthrough when we purchased the house.

I don’t have a lot of pictures because it’s ugly.  Obviously.

We lived with this bathroom for many years until one day it started raining in our living room.   The nice  ::cough hot::  $100/hour plumber said that we needed a new drain gasket.  Go head, plumber man, and fix that, I’ll just be over hear having a cup of tea and not staring at your ass on the ladder.

So he did.

But the rain still fell.


Then the nice $100/ hour plumber man let us know that the not so fancy acrylic shower liner had cracks on the base and the whole thing needed to be replaced.


That sounds like a lot of $100/hours to me.

So we took a time out to think through this.

To remove the one piece shower liner required removing the gorgeous gold plated sliding doors.  Then there was no guarantee that the new base/tile/whatever would lineup with the existing tile and let’s not forget those awesome oak cabinets happening and we would really like two sinks and the light fixture doesn’t even line up with the one sink we do have and who sits and puts on makeup and oh my this tile is just gross and what is that strange hook next to the towel bar?  Did I already mention all the gold?

And that folks?  Is how home improvements SNOWBALL.

We decided instead of just doing the shower that we would just do the whole thing.

Not ourselves, of course.  Even I know my limits.

So we shopped for a contractor.

We invited 3 over one afternoon.  The same afternoon.  Noon, 1:00 and 2:00.

I sort of enjoyed the awkward as one left and one arrived.

The first one was tile man.  The man loved his tile.  Tile, tile, tile.  And his work was beautiful.  Did I also mention he hated me?  He did.  Really.  I think I never annoyed someone as much as I did him.  How?  Basically, I wanted a tile FREE bathroom.  I am not a fan of tile.  At all.  The grout, the lines, the cleaning.  Nope, no tile for this bathroom.  Pretty sure tile man left and reported me to some sort of  Tile Haters of America Association.

The second contractor was Mr. Affluent.  Now, I’m sure he worked on houses that were under 800K but my small bathroom is not exactly the kind where I’m going to put exotic African crystal towel bars and an ivory tusk toilet bowl.

The third one was Mr. Perfect.  Oh my, how I adored that man.  He knew what he was doing.  It was like he was the Encyclopedia of kick ass contractors.  He whipped his measuring tape out like a lasso.  He let numbers spill from his brain like the rain man.  He laughed at me and with me.   We found the company.  It was grand.

Until it wasn’t.

>>>>(Part Two- Picking a Crappy Contractor and the Signs you’re Getting Screwed) 

11 thoughts on “How to Pick a Crappy Contractor

  1. Oh, I shouldn't even comment. You would die if you saw our master bath. It's THAT fabulous. Really. You can come over and try out the shower, but you have to wear a bathing suit and cap because I don't want to be cleaning up any of your stray hairs. The room has a lot of tile and I interviewed about 8 guys because we decided not to use our GC's tile dude. I was very tempted to hire a duo I call the "bathroom brothers" because we could have made great videos together. Instead we hired the European artiste who only works on the mansions you mentioned above. He reminded us often that he was doing us a favor. That said, he and his guys did a great job and worked to meet our odd timelines. Did I mention it's gorgeous?!
    Oh sorry, this is YOUR blog. I can't wait to hear about part II.
    Come visit!
    My recent post Broke

  2. Omg, I'm on pins and needles waiting for Part 2! "Tile Haters of America Association" totally cracked me up. I know how you feel – I hate linoleum and laminate flooring with the passion of a thousand raging fires. FUCKING HATE IT. And guess what my rental home is covered in?

  3. Seems like it will take more than 2 parts… And, for the record, you have annoyed a lot of people more than you annoyed the tile man, but you definitely knew how to push his buttons – and not in the "hey nice butt plumber guy" way. Though I think Tileman uppped his quote by about five grand to account for the "annoyance factor".

  4. I’m just impressed that all three showed up! In Houston you set up 3-5 appointments and hire the guy that shows up :(

    Can’t wait to read part 2! Especially since we need some more work done on our 50 yr old house! We need to do a better job finding a contractor this time!!

  5. WHAT?

    WE HAVE to wait for part 2?

    I used to regret that you didn't post more, but now I can thank you: my heart cant' take it.

    What happened?


    You won't DM me, will you?

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