Dear Sons, Good Luck finding Me

Have you ever heard that Son’s pick wives like their mothers? I don’t even know if this is true or not but let’s pretend it is. Otherwise I have no post. Let’s also put aside comparing ourselves to our own mother in laws. I mean, let’s be honest. Not all of us are going to win that game.

I’m pretty lucky though. My mother in law is good. (waves hi!)

I have two sons and one day I thought about them getting married and what their wives would be like. Then I thought of the above. I immediately felt bad for my sons. How will they EVER be able to find an awesome wife as I am mom?

My sons are used to eating quick. I have mastered the ability to match their needs.
How many women are able to produce a hotdog breakfast in 30 seconds from the microwave? I have also mastered the drive in order:

I’d like two happy meals, both chicken nuggets.
One 4 piece, one 6 piece.
Both boys.
One sprite One juice box Also
One cheeseburger ketchup only.

Are there other women capable of placing an order with such ease and eloquence?

This sort of mastery can only be accomplished over years of experience.

I know there are times they need to feed themselves. I wonder if their wives will know to leave the pantry door open for them. Will she know that keeping corn chips, goldfish crackers and fruit cups in there covers 3 major food groups? I’m no nutritionist but I have been balancing the pantry pyramid for years. I hope their future wives can learn the delicate balancing act of the pantry pyramid.

I understand that it’s not all about their wives taking care of them. I have also to taught my sons excellent survival skills. Fishing starts at a young age in our household. Actually as soon as you know colors? It’s time to fish. They fish everyday. It starts in the morning. They head over to “sock basket pond” and really hope it’s their lucky day to catch a match. It’s really teaching them persistence and patience. I wonder if their future wives will know how to properly stock the pond for them.

In the end I know they will choose wonderful women who will love and care for them like I do. If they’re lucky, maybe they will even become parents. And if they do? I’ll be right here laughing at them.

Sock Basket Pond is ALWAYS stocked at our house

28 thoughts on “Dear Sons, Good Luck finding Me

  1. i have 3 boys so yes, i understand. never thought i'd know so much about testosterone. hoping their wife is more prepared than their mother. sent my son to baseball catcher practice with a zhu zhu pet tunnel lid as a "cup".

  2. I fold and sort my laundry. Yes, I actually sort my socks. Then, they sit in baskets in my room for days. (My husband complained once that he felt like he was sleeping in a laundromat. I stuffed a sock in his mouth.) I am the keeper of the socks. It's my way of maintaining control.

    Lazy Silly Girl

  3. Sock basket pond?? Oh, I think I just fell in love!! Do you think I can adapt this for two girls?? I'll just dye all the socks pink, toss 'em in a pretty basket (frilled up by MS, natch) and call it good.) As for the boys basket, DONE!! LOVE!! (found you through Diana @ Hormonal Imbalances. I'm *that* Kim ;) )

  4. Let the record reflect the phrase 'sock pond' originated with this post. I sense we shall see this phrase in popular circulation. I am so relieved that my son is going to be a priest and my daughter a nun – that's the whole point of putting them in Catholic school – right?

  5. Ha–my wife has her standards for McD's, Arbys and Chick-fila. I just call her and hold the phone up to the thing if I have the kids. I'll end up w/ 5 hamburgers, 3 chicken nuggets, 4 apple slices, 6 milks, etc. for the 3 kids and me.

  6. I almost thought to myself – I don't think my OCD could handle a "sock pond" – then realized my husband has a clean and kinda dirty clothes pile. I got tired of doing all the laundry and having him go weeks sometimes without bothering to hang it up and put it away and it would pile and pile. So there is a hamper near his closet for clothes that are not wash worthy, or are clean, and I keep tossing stuff in it as it comes out of the dryer. He figures it out :p

  7. i pray my kid marries someone liike me. I have a daughter, BTW, but so what. I wore the balls in the family all through my marriage so it would be like marrying a guy no?

  8. Oh, I am the awesomesauce, too.

    No way any young thing can touch me.

    No way.

    Sounds kinda sick, doesn't it?

    I should really delete.

  9. We totally have the sock pond too, and I go between feeling incredibly sorry for my sons future wife to hating her for eventually stealing my baby boy.

  10. does ANY mom of boys actually sort socks? I mean, come on. the socks live in a bin. go get two that match. or that don't. just cover your damn feet before you put on your shoes.

  11. Jen, I am so thankful for the picture of the sock basket pond. I swear we are kindred spirits. I will never forget our first Halloween party at your house and marveling at the level of organization in your storage area. It was not only immaculate, it was categorized! Awesome. I, too, love anything that can be bought at The Container Store, but things have changed a bit since the introduction of the little ones. I started trying to downsize my OCD. Instead of matching socks when they came out of the dryer, I threw them in a basket and did matching once a week. (More efficient use of my limited time, I said.) But now it’s become a game of: guess which will happen first, the socks get matched or they are all pulled out two at a time because there are no clean socks in the dresser. (I’m guessing you can guess the typical result of that game.) Ah well. Such is the beginning of my demise. Begin countdown until you’re watching me on Hoarders. 

  12. Pantry Pyramid could be it's own post and might possibly be picked up by the Federal Government as the new standard.
    Cheeseburger plain, no ketchup here.

  13. Pingback: Tweets that mention Dear Sons, Good Luck finding Me — The Martha Project --

  14. This totally should have been a vlog, the ordering of the meal I mean.

    Also, what's up with women getting cheesburgers with just ketchup? That's what my wife does too and it's weird.

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