Snippets from a “Crap” Day

So I had this day yesterday. Not like a– I want to just go to bed with these reeces cups and not do anything all day. But could you really judge me if I wanted to do that everyday? No, this day was just one “wth” and “seriously” and “ok, am I being punked” moment after another.

It started off fine. Children fed AND clothed. They even got to school on time.

See? That is all win. Then they got home from school. Why do schools DO that? I was having such a nice time and they are learning. Learning is important so why do they send them home to me? I got recees in bed to teach them. Beyond that? Nothing.

Ok then.

So earlier in the day I noticed that the main floor toilet was acting bubbly. It has done this since we moved in. Usually that means it needs to be plunged. Which I should have done right away. You know what? I hate that freaking word “should” It NEVER makes me feel good.

So we get home from school and Tegan needs to drop a load.

This is where the backstory of Tegan flushing the dolphin down the toilet comes back. Since the “free willy” incident we have not been allowing the kids to drop loafs in their bathroom toilet. Because obviously seeing willy floating in crap is going to cost me at least a year in therapy for each child

I take him to my bathroom and at the same time Braden needs to do the same. I tell him to go to the basement.

Yes, I am blessed to have four loaf dropping stations in my house.

As I am wiping T’s butt I hear “Um, MOMMY?!”
I can hear the “TURD IS STARTING TO RISE fear in his voice” and he is NOT yelling from the basement.

Horified I yell back BRADEN WHERE ARE YOU?! though I already know.

I tell T to stand tight. I go down and already coming down the hall is the river of turds water.

I grab EVERY beach towel we own to contain the turd river. Also? my socks are now wet.

As I’m doing this the air freshener in the bathroom decides to blow “Spring Mountain” into my face.

Even the air freshener knows that this shit stinks.

Fast Forward>>>

That night I am getting ready to meet people for the first time. There is this local womans group that I joined in hopes of finding some friends that won’t look at me like I’m an alien when I mention that I have a blog. (Gasp)

This will be my first event so obviously I’m a little anxious and excited.

I get there and ask the desk people about the event. (hosts? hostesses? I never know what to call those table seater people, I mean it’s not like they’re really hosting anything for me. They don’t OWN the restauruant.)

Reply: Nope no event here tonight.

Me: Really? Then I remembered that there was something that I specifically had to tell them. Like a code word.

I grab my phone to look up event.

I pull it up and see that it was the day before.

Because I win at life.

I leave and decide that Trader Joes will finally see me showered.

And really what better way to make you feel better than their frozen food aisle?

Ok, I guess there IS another important aisle.

I was hungry. I had planned on eating at event so, um, yeah. I decided to grab a Jimmy Johns sandwich that was nearby. I go to the door and it was locked.

It had closed at 8:00.
I mean really. 8:00 people? It was 8:07.

It wasn’t until later that I was able to send @smonkyou this picture that the day turned around.

Oh, and the Nachos. And the Peanut butter cookies, and the chocolate covered caramels.

Once in a while in life, you will step in crap and if you’re really lucky, you live near a Trader Joes.

13 thoughts on “Snippets from a “Crap” Day

  1. I hate the turd river. A couple of months ago, I told my husband that the toilet was clogged (I can't unclog a toilet. I've tried, I fail. The end). I didn't know it was clogged, until after I flushed my son's business down there. The next thing I know, the water is rising, but it rests just at the rim and settles back down.

    I call out to the hubs, and he comes into the bathroom, and before he even assesses the situation. Before he even LIFTS THE LID TO LOOK, what does he do? Yeah. And the next thing I know, every beach towel is playing the alternate to a sandbag.

  2. I read this to Sam and we just died laughing. I think Turd Water was too much for both of us.

    Also – why are you not on my blogroll? You are amazing and I need a good dose of Martha (the better one) a lot more in my life.

    So on you go.

  3. Sorry you had a crap day, but "Then they got home from school. Why do schools DO that?"…now I will think that every time the school bus pulls up in front of the house. Just like I now wonder, "Every time I feed my kids I think…How much longer is this going to go on?" when I make a meal. You're awesome.

  4. Well all I have to say is better you than me…am I a betch…probably but I can't stand poop. Like I have a very strong aversion to anything that comes out of the poop hole or that is regurgitated from the toilet. I would have died if that was me. Like I would have just ended all of it. Cause poop? Is that traumatic

  5. first, i'm SUPER jealous of your 4 stations? Seriously I have 1…to share…with FOUR MEN (well males)
    second ew just ew. you poor thing. and third, I'll totally be jealous if you find real life, local friends who understand the blogging thing!!! I have one friend who stopped looking at me totally crazy cuz I've taken her to some sweet shows because of my blog, but she still doesn't totally GET it. I finally even told her about Blogher, but everyone else….that second head must pop out when I start talking about my blog!

  6. Every time I go to Trader Joe's hungry I come home with nothing to eat for dinner. Unless my family wants 6 different flavors of humus.
    I'm trying to block out the free willy incident too.


  7. I have no idea what Trader Joes is, but I've forded the turd river many a time. We were at a drive-in once, and my mom, sister and I went to the restroom. As is the case in most women's restrooms, people were waiting for places to grow a monkey's tail. My mother finally got in a stall only to jump out a few grunts later with her pants down around her ankles and a log ride coming up behind her. My sister and I suddenly didn't have to go anymore.

    I hope this day is a happy, rather than crappy, day.

    Lazy Silly Girl

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