Calling in the Vote

Like other states we have elections coming up.

Are you tired of the sea of red/white/blue signs because I am.

The politicians behind them claim that they are “fresh, new, for change”

But their signs? Suck.

They aren’t fresh, new or a change from status quo.

What happened to being an American? Where is the originality? The uniqueness of the person?

I mean I already have a hard time remembering these people’s names when I go to vote.

“Was he the red sign with the blue stripe or the Blue sign with the white stars?

Forget campaign reform. I’m ready to rally for Sign reform.

For you politicians interested in getting MY vote here are a few ideas:

I also discovered that this political year?

I am VERY Important

I live in Illinois. Hear of it? And you’re first thoughts were “oh, yeah. That’s the corrupted state.”

My thoughts too!

Are you getting 35 political phone calls a day? I don’t know about yours but my calls from these campaing people have been getting all questiony. For example:

Phone rings

Caller: Hi, I’m from the X Party and we want to see if you’re voting because we see that you voted in 1996

Me: Um, yeah (here we go again)

Caller: Because Barak Obama needs your help….(I cut her off)

Me: I KNOW because he’s already called me twice and I must be the most important person in the country!

Caller: Can you tell me what time you will be voting?

Me: Is a bra required? If not I can make it sooner but no sooner than it takes me to drink 3 cups of coffee and that time can vary depending on if I eat breakfast or if my kid decides to dump the box of cheese its into the milk again or not

Caller: (a few giggles but she’s got her script) How will you be getting there will you walk/drive?

Me: Ooooooooooh no, no, no, no. We don’t exercise in this house. I WILL be driving and keep your fingers crossed for that bra ON.

Caller: Ok, well thank you for your time and just to inform you we may do a follow up call later that day to see how your voting went and that your vote was cast for “X”

Wait, wait, wait, WHAT? Doesn’t that ruin the element of surprise?

We have “elections” so that you count votes. Get it?

This? Amused me.

And you know what? I like to be amused.

So on Tuesday when the “X” people call back to see how my vote went I may say this:

Phone rings:

Caller: Hi, I’m from the “x” campaign and was just doing a follow up to see how your vote for “X” went

Me: Oh, I decided not to vote for X after all.

Caller: Oh, I’m sorry I thought you agreed to vote for X the other day

Me: Yeah, I thought about it and when I got there I didn’t see any massage tables set up

Caller: I’m sorry, I don’t understand

Me: Well you see, I’ve been picking up the phone so much with all you political people calling me that I figured that if you REALLY wanted my vote that you would offer me a massage after

Caller: I’m sorry, that isn’t the way it works

Me: Listen, I live in Illinois, you live in Illinois, I think we know how this works. I vote for you, you give me something. You give me nothing, no vote for you

Caller: I apologize but that is illegal in all 50 states.

Me: you mean except Illinois, I’ve heard of Rod you know. Also? Your signs sucked. No vote for you.

15 thoughts on “Calling in the Vote

  1. LOVE it. And I love that someone was going to use that the signs were disturbing. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that. I've not gotten many calls, probably cause I'm on the do not call list or something. i'm so glad. Going to vote for SOMETHING ELSE IN ILLINOIS after work. putting out the trash.

  2. You know what I dread more than the signs? The local new's election graphics and slogans. I'm going to have to skip TV and read or something tonight. Stupid democracy.

    • wow. Most of these calls did not have a caller ID but were all local numbers and I didn't want to not pick up and have it be my children's schools.

  3. love it. i think i'm writing myself in for each position in which i think both candidates suck. might take me awhile but then i can honestly say i didn't vote but no matter which crackhead gets the job I can complain about him and say "who voted for this guy?"

  4. lol their signs do suck. I also like who they run commercials for state comptroller and stuff like that. Like anyone gives a crap who wins. haha at the Rod comment. Massages would definitely sway me. 1/2 criminal plus 1/2 businessperson=1 politician

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