Why you be Crazy Food Bloggers?

I think food bloggers have run out of actual food to blog.

Let me explain.

I was an early adopter of Pinterest and will pin a chocolate cupcake recipe quicker than you can say cellulite.

Oh yeah.  Gimme that recipe on my board and ass right nooooowwww.

Fettuccini with shrimp and scallops?

PIN

Pizza with arugula and pancetta?

I’m pinning that bitch right now.

Chocolate cake with salted caramel frosting!  Strawberry pie with fresh whipped cream!  Twice baked potato strings!!

YES YES YES PIN PIN PIN YES YES YES…..lights cigarette.

My Pinterest stream is an experience that I can only compare to a Friday night with kids sleeping, and I’m in a bathtub filled with butterfingers, unwrapped.

Lately, something has gone wrong.   Just when I think wow that looks good I read the description.

“Chocolate cake made with quinoa.”

Wait a damn second here.

What.

::moves down stream::

Pizza with cauliflower crust.

::blinks::blinks::raises eyebrow and gags::

And don’t even GET ME STARTED ON KALE.

Unless you own rabbits, kale is not food.

Kale is buffet garnish.  Not chips or smoothie material so just stop doing that.  You want kale UNDER SHRIMP and that’s about it.   It’s support food.  Not actual food.

Also, in case you were not aware, cauliflower is not mashed potatoes.

I know, I know, food bloggers make it look like it might be a creamy and delicious substitute, but trust me, they are using one hell of an expensive lens on that camera.

I call it potato trickery.

And for the love of Italy and their culinary genius, cauliflower sure is hell NOT pizza crust or alfredo sauce.

That’s not only low carb, its insulting low carb.

Food bloggers?  You be losing your mind.

I understand that all the foods have been blogged in every conceivable way but can we bring it back to calories and taste again?

You can still use your fancy camera and lens.

I promise to pin it.

From the bathtub.

Ahem.