I got 99 problems but being warm isn’t one.


This is going to seem completely ridiculous to most but I’M FUCKING COLD.

My BONES are cold.

Yesterday I went to the local grocery store and I just stared at the rotisserie chickens under the heat lamps and thought

“Man, they got the life right now.”  Except for the being dead part.

Then I actually imagined myself going around and around over a fire pit and then placed under a heat sun lamp.

The moment I thought about grabbing a bag of charcoal, I knew I had snapped.

The house is a disaster because when each of your feet are 23 pound blocks of ice and you don’t like to exercise….well….shit’s not gonna get done.

I’m wearing a HAT INSIDE MY HOUSE.   Turn up the heat you say?  It’s on 70, it’s not like that is especially low and no one else seems to be cold.

>>Son runs by with only underwear on eating ice cream<<

“Dress in layers” they say.

Sure but when your layers are already -Thermal underwear – Parka – Sleeping bag- I’m not sure what else can be done.

Even my garage door is mad, refusing to open to anything under 15 degrees.

I saw the movie Frozen.  What I have going on is not beautiful, awesome or fun.

Disney lies.

I’m so desperate for warmth that I slept on a heating pad last night.   It was like a lovely postage stamp sized piece of warmth but hot damn if my left ass cheek wasn’t toasty.

I’ve also programmed myself so that every time I see “Below Zero” temperatures on the weather forecast, I immediately think MUST BAKE.

I’ve only got so many pairs of yoga pants people.

Ok.  I guess that’s it.

I’m fucking cold and just had to write it out before I can move on…to what, I don’t know.

It may just include that charcoal after all.


Apparently being frozen makes me swear.  A lot.


I just looked out my window to see this.

It’s hard to see but that squirrel is RIPPING UP my seat cushions to take back to its nest.

Even the animals are over it.