I was recently getting ready to host a breakfast at my house and at some point started laughing at myself. You see, getting ready to host an event has drastically changed since I’ve had kids. Let me give you a few examples:
Before kids: Take careful time to create a menu all around a focused theme. Look through all the cook books, magazines and chose the perfect food that compliments the undertones of the hand-picked, only the best, Colombian coffee.
After kids: Pick up donuts from store. Sprinkle your own powdered sugar on top to make them look homemade. Also grab a premade fruit bowl, and granola bars. The theme is “I don’t give a shit.”
Before kids: Who are you kidding? You have no children your house is already cleaner than it will ever be in your life again but somehow you find stuff to clean. The whole house gets cleaned to the point of shiny. Baseboards, under the stove and refrigerator all sparkle. You make sure you have room in your coat closet for others and that it is neat and tidy. Bathrooms get fresh flowers. The morning of the event you have extra time so you do a quick dusting of all surfaces.
After kids: ONLY the 1st floor gets cleaned. Bathroom gets a candle with the light on a dimmer. Rooms get Febreezed. You’ve learned that smelling clean is more important than actual clean. Decide what parts of the house people will see. As people arrive, shove stuff into those opportunity holes to give allusion of being picked up.
You hope people don’t wear coats because you locked the coat closet.
That’s where you hid your laundry mountain.
Before kids: You spend a good amount of time putting together a centerpiece, handmade napkin holders, and place cards. Everything is coordinated in the perfect shade of sea green. You set out china on the table.
After kids: You dump donuts onto a plate and sprinkle with powdered sugar. That is your centerpiece. Napkin holders are dumb and sit where ever the hell you want.
I know I can’t be the only one right? Who has time for all that pre-children silliness? I host to bring friends together and have learned a lot of “faking it” tricks throughout the years. Besides, if they’re really my friends, they wouldn’t want me to clean. Only people who hate you want you to clean your house.