As a child I would check out 20 books at a time from the library. I would take those books and disappear into my room over the weekends.
In Jr. High, I would spend that time programming on my 1st home computer.
::fist bumps to Vic20 users::
In high school, I got marginally more social but always felt most myself being by myself.
By the time I started college, I was able to camouflage my lack of social skills through classes and work.
Most importantly, I just didn’t care.
At 41, I still mostly don’t.
But this isn’t about me. This is about my younger son. This boy of mine was born to socialize.
He babbled earlier and more than his older brother. He wanted to interact with people in checkout lines, out walking, anywhere he could. He hated being alone or feeling alone. He was born this way. It is in his soul to be with and part of others.
And his heart, so big. It’s not worn on his sleeve; it’s worn on him as a whole.
And I just don’t know if I have what it takes to guide him.
Where he comes off friendly, I come off aloof.
When he wants to be part of, I want to be separated from.
He wants to be with, I want to be alone.
We come together when there is pain, sadness. Pain from his strong emotions coupled with his draw to be part of. Included.
I love this about him. But do not understand it.
Are my lack of social skills hurting him?
How do I stay true to myself but support his needs as well?
His pain hurts me. I try to find the words to comfort him but we speak different languages.
But I’m willing to learn.