Why you be Crazy Food Bloggers?

I think food bloggers have run out of actual food to blog.

Let me explain.

I was an early adopter of Pinterest and will pin a chocolate cupcake recipe quicker than you can say cellulite.

Oh yeah.  Gimme that recipe on my board and ass right nooooowwww.

Fettuccini with shrimp and scallops?

PIN

Pizza with arugula and pancetta?

I’m pinning that bitch right now.

Chocolate cake with salted caramel frosting!  Strawberry pie with fresh whipped cream!  Twice baked potato strings!!

YES YES YES PIN PIN PIN YES YES YES…..lights cigarette.

My Pinterest stream is an experience that I can only compare to a Friday night with kids sleeping, and I’m in a bathtub filled with butterfingers, unwrapped.

Lately, something has gone wrong.   Just when I think wow that looks good I read the description.

“Chocolate cake made with quinoa.”

Wait a damn second here.

What.

::moves down stream::

Pizza with cauliflower crust.

::blinks::blinks::raises eyebrow and gags::

And don’t even GET ME STARTED ON KALE.

Unless you own rabbits, kale is not food.

Kale is buffet garnish.  Not chips or smoothie material so just stop doing that.  You want kale UNDER SHRIMP and that’s about it.   It’s support food.  Not actual food.

Also, in case you were not aware, cauliflower is not mashed potatoes.

I know, I know, food bloggers make it look like it might be a creamy and delicious substitute, but trust me, they are using one hell of an expensive lens on that camera.

I call it potato trickery.

And for the love of Italy and their culinary genius, cauliflower sure is hell NOT pizza crust or alfredo sauce.

That’s not only low carb, its insulting low carb.

Food bloggers?  You be losing your mind.

I understand that all the foods have been blogged in every conceivable way but can we bring it back to calories and taste again?

You can still use your fancy camera and lens.

I promise to pin it.

From the bathtub.

Ahem.

16 thoughts on “Why you be Crazy Food Bloggers?

  1. “And for the love of Italy and their culinary genius, cauliflower sure is hell NOT pizza crust or alfredo sauce.” Preach it sister! You have inspired me to pick up a half-written rant and see about finishing it. Title is “Kale: the silent killer”

  2. I don’t get why it’s necessary to judge people for what they enjoy. Don’t like “healthy” food? Don’t pin it. Kale? Love the stuff. It is freaking fabulous sauteed with garlic and chili. I didn’t like it the first time I tried it. But to call it “not food”? I worry for your cholesterol level. I enjoy oreos as much as the next girl, even if I try to avoid HFCS. I just choose to enjoy them in moderation. Along with my kale.

    I mean, I get it. Your food porn is not my food porn. But that’s Pinterest’s fault for filtering it into your stream, not mine. There’s no need to call out all food bloggers on their recipe choices. Writing about food requires creativity. And having fun with ingredients. Just because it sounds weird to you doesn’t mean it’s not awesome.

    • I think you are missing the point. Love your kale, cauliflower and all the other GD BS PC food you want. However, please don’t try to convince me that any of it tastes anything like the original.

      I would rather eat pizza, potato and pasta in all its original glory than substitute it for something healthy. I’d rather do it once a year than succumb to this pathological trend of trying to recreate perfection.

      Please stop preaching. I beg you. Thank you.

  3. The food I blog is anything but low calorie but it comes with a price. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t get some jerk commenting with how I’m killing my children with butter, salt and processed chemicals.

  4. Did someone say bacon? I will say that the mashed cauliflower can be amazing. If you add about 1/4 cup of mashed potato flakes. But kale…I cannot do kale. Kale reminds me of something served in elementary school that NO ONE ever ate…it always went to waste and it made me sad. Save it for the wittle-bitty-wabbits!

  5. I pretty much agree with you in everything. Except the cauliflower pizza crust. While it certainly isn’t “real crust” it is actually pretty good. Good enough that I would make it again and again. Btw…I wasn’t making it cuz I didn’t want the calories. I just thought it looked good on the screen and it got my creative juices flowing. I say….don’t knock it til ya try it.

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