Opting back into Me

We didn’t have an elaborate plan for me to stay home.  We didn’t budget for or work out the logistics.  Given that my husband and I met when I was 20, married at 25, 1st child at 30, this lack of planning was uncharacteristic of us.

When it came down to it, the amount of money I would have brought home after childcare was so little it hardly made sense for me to return.   With a few adjustments we could make it work and here I am 10.5 years later.

There’s a lot of buzz out there about mothers and working, opting out, opting back into the work force, and regretting opting out in the 1st place.   The view points are exhausting.

Once the word got out that I was about to come into the mother load of free time, I started to hear it

“So, what are you going to do with all your time now?”

“Are you going to go back to work?”

To which I answered “Sleep, and hell no”

First of all, being home for 10.5 years leaves an enormous fucking gap in one’s resume if you didn’t know.

Second of all, childcare still becomes an issue since my kids get out of school at 2:30.

Third of all, nope.

I’ve sacrificed 10.5 years of shopping with kids in tow as they pull down displays of perfectly stacked apples, ripped into packaged toys in the aisle at Target that I would then have to purchase, and have crapped on me more times than someone should be crapped on.

I’m in no condition to go back to work people.

What I am ready for is a big fat dose of me.  ME ME ME ME.

Me.

Me.

Oh, and that over there?  That’s me.

That’s right.  I’m opting back into THIS BITCH.  Me.

Anyone who knows me in real life (and maybe even on the internet) may suspect that I’m not a natural stay at home mom.  Sure, I’ve made it work more or less but that’s only because I stopped cleaning the house five years ago.

I need more.   More than sparkling toilets, floors, and clean dishes.

I need more for my brain.  Oh my god, my poor atrophied brain.

Looking back onto my internet activities one can see that I was so starved for brain food that I started a twitter account.

There were people in that there computer.  Smart as hell and funny people.  And my brain needed them.

But now?  I’m free.  I can barely contain the freeness that my brain has felt over the last few days of being able to think.

Me+ time for brain to think= UNSTOPPABLE.

In fact, the number of projects and ideas I’ve had in 3 days would get me a script for Adderall.

Finish 1/2 bathroom

Call about flooring main floor

Call about flooring upstairs

Paint basement

Paint kitchen

Refinish dining table

Spray-paint frames in bedroom to silver

Change out countertop in kid’s bathroom with new faucet

New flooring for kid’s bathroom

Redecorate basement bathroom

Finish organizing craft closet

Transform chest into a file cabinet

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Welcome to my brain.

Besides that, I have other plans that I’ve actually thought out.  Stuff to get me out of the house of projects.

Those include taking tennis back up.  Whereas I hate to exercise, I DO like being active and if there’s a chance I can win?  Better.

Joining a Spanish group.  My husband and I were/are? fluent in Spanish and I’d love the opportunity to sit around to just speak it.   Y?  Utiliza my cabeza differente.

Take a wood working class.

Take a photo editing class

Take a photography class

I’m the type of person that if I’m not learning something new?  I’m bored.

Then there’s this holiday coming up called HALLOWEEN.  That will keep me busy through Oct.

So you see?  I can’t possibly go back to work now.    I’m going to be too busy becoming awesome.

It’s going to be amazing.

27 thoughts on “Opting back into Me

  1. That means all the more time to work on your Halloween. But then after that, I’m sure you’d love to help me here in Texas. My house needs lots of love.

    And also, jealous and go you.

    • Looking back, I should have home schooled older son K-2. He\’s in a good spot now. You\’re never going to regret doing this for him.

  2. You. Are. Awesome! My boys are only 2 1/2 and 11mths but I am SO looking forward to this day, if it ever arrives!! And I pitty da fool who asks me if I’m going back to work or what I’m going to do. Im not exactly cut out for this stay at home mom business either (for all the reasons you just stated) but I’m going to survive it somehow. Blogging definitely helps!! I’m just trying to earn enough money for preschool a couple days a week and to pay someone to clean my house every now and then! :)

  3. So jealous of your free time. Only me? I would sit and read. And think about setting up my sewing/craft room. The boxes are almost unpacked. And we’ve only been here 5 years. Sigh.

    Have fun!

  4. I think why most women go back to work is to just use their minds again.

    So I don’t blame you for not going back to work – now you can explore new things, new heights, and do the things you love.

  5. I’ve been a stay at home mom for almost 13 years. All of my kids were finally in school two years ago. I’ve been asked, “When are you getting a job?” almost every day since then. I was even offered a couple of jobs. My husband said, “Nope.” He rather enjoys having me home without kids. He actually ends up coming home to a clean house and hot dinner! And I’m happy to give that to him. After I’ve taken a nap.

  6. Wait a minute. Are you saying that companies aren’t looking for strong women with skills like packing a lunch in 30 seconds and running to the bus stop with two toddlers in tow like a crazy person? I really thought that would get me somewhere. I loved this! I cannot wait until the day that I can lean into me. That sounded weird. Enjoy this time!

  7. Man, I am loving that I’ve been able to catch these last few posts. See – that’s the agony of the work-life balance. There is none. Yes all those lovely NYT folks and sheryl sandberg with her “lean in” – I’d like to shove it up her billion dollar arse. Lean In? I’m with you Jen – lay down. Hooray for you! You spread joy and laughter – your posts mean something to this withered soul of an overworked mom. Thank you for always being truthful and funny and real.

    • I miss you. Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to read a little about mine. Now, make sure I keep my G\’s going. I\’ve got even more free time to use them now.

  8. You are amazing. If you’re up for it, I need to continue to work on my Spanish as well. I’m not letting my fancy degree and fluency go to waste even if I get told that my Spanish is so-so.

  9. Yes and yes and yes. But a warning: when both kids are in school, there is a pause. Let it happen. It will take a little while to hit your stride. Every fall, I have to let myself stumble around for a few weeks until I find my way into a routine, and it may take you longer because it’s your first one. So, nap. Wait. You’ll do all the fun and fascinating things, but maybe not all of them right away.

  10. You have no idea how thrilled it makes me to read this. I come with a 15 year gap in my resume. Employers are jumping up and down to hire me.
    Don’t you just love it when people ask what you do all day? I now just say, “Eat cookies.”
    We should play tennis sometime. But only if you suck, because I like to win, too.

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