A while back I had this thought.
“I really suck at blogging”
No really. I did.
Then I thought “I bet there are at least 5 reasons why”
Then I started writing them down.
And writing.
And writing.
Finally I just started laughing at myself because really?
That was easy to do as I stared at all my suckage on the screen.
My advice?
If you want to be an excellent blogger, learn from the worst.
Here are many items and if you do the opposite? Success will rain upon you.
Probably.
1) It starts with the log in folks. Yes, that’s right. I STILL need to go to the original email EVERY TIME to get my log in information from my tech guy who originally set up this up. (You didn’t think I did this myself did you?)
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2) After I get the log in worked out I get into my very fancy blog. I know you’re thinking “But you have nothing on it” That’s right, this is a suck post. I have No bling. None. Badge, button, banner– Huh?
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3) But let’s move on to the posts. That’s why we all do this right? How about reading my post on Blogher, Halloween, Texas State Fair, or the Master bedroom that I redid.
You don’t see any links to those do you? That’s right folks. I manage NOT to post some of the easiest posts to ever come to a blogger. I like to think I have a special talent for that kind of Super Suck.
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4) Oh, and speaking of Blogher do you know that I had a roommate? Of course you don’t. No post, no proof. Her name was @ToyWithMe and upon check in she told me that she had a rather large box of wevibe vibrators coming to our room. “Nice to meet you too” for the first time ever and omg we are sharing a bed and will she be USING them?! I have totally owed her that link since August.
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5) Speaking of people, I love the fact that you come here. I do. Just ask @ThreeInTheBed. Now she wrote me such a nice letter. The kind of letter that makes you think just for a moment that maybe you don’t suck. I could even say that maybe it was my first “fan letter” Until I mentally freaked out just thinking that someone might like something I do. Then I got all weird to think that anyone comes here at all. So you know what I did? Didn’t reply. So @ThreeInTheBed, please know that I was blown away and even if this is a month late. Thank you.
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6) But then people come here? Really? I checked those analytics things once. It said that people came here to find out how to make Corn Balls. Awesome. I never went back because if people were coming here to learn how make corn balls then obviously I have no business trying to attract MORE corn ball people.
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7) Someone offered me a give away once. My response was so lame that she was offended and unfollowed/ blocked me. The next day I added “Work on Tact” to list.
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8) Blog talk. I can’t even pretend that I even know what the hell this article means. Any of it.
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9) Someone is using my name to spam advertise for Subaru. Because forwarding an RSS feed means something. You should write that one down. Really. It’s a good one to know.
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So there is so much more that I wrote down but I think my point has been proven without a shadow of a doubt that I will NOT be writing any “Learn from me how to blog” posts anytime soon.
Now that we’ve got that taken care of, who wants to know something about twitter?
Hold on, Let me look up that log in info.
Again.
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I wish I was joking but that I have no idea how that little asshole smiley face got onto #8. I can’t make this up. I’ve tried deleting it. Just add it on to the proof pile.
I still have to go to my email from my webmaster, too. Unless I’m already logged in. But sometimes I am, and sometimes I’m not and this whole computer-internet business is very confusing because I majored in psychology. Perhaps if the log in info told me how it felt I could tell it to get over it and let me into my blog, you big jerk, but if never asks.
I must meet you IRL at some point – I bet drinking with you is a blast cuz reading you is like we're chatting over cocktails. Your latest post BlogHer12 asshole post brought me here – was solely a twitter follower before.
That would be WineJen you're talking about and yes, she has lots of friends. Thanks for stopping by.
WOW. Great shot of funny this morning. Happy to jump on the bandwagon 1 year late. I pride myself on timeliness.
My recent post Virus Part III: The Full Menace
I just learned what SEO was. Today. And I've been wondering if there's a way to see who's subscribed to my RSS feed but am too afraid to ask. So, this post? LOVE!
I am so very glad you sent me this link that I can hardly contain myself. Just when I think I don't have a freakin' clue…you remind me that I really don't! But it's okay, because you've been in the game a helluva lot longer and you don't either. That makes us kindred bitches. Wicked cool.
Holy crap. I love it. Seriously, the login thing is me too. You had me at the inadvertent smiley.
Your version of suck makes me laugh, hard. That is why I come and that is why I can't wait to meet you on Friday when you guest co-host Suburban Wow with me!
" I will NOT be writing any “Learn from me how to blog” posts anytime soon."____Reason for me to totally follow you on Twitter!____I wrote a post awhile back about my sister dying at the age of eight. One of my commenters repeated that with a number 8. Gotta win the prize for most inappropriate use of a random smilley face! (but at least now I know why!)________________ ____
the best part about you thinking you suck? that you get a zillion comments to tell you the contrary. I need to find me your type of suck for myself.
wait.
um.
yeah, I don't know. just pass me the suck.
Right? These people are ruining my suck moment for myself. ::Blush::
Well, I don't want to brag, but my reader list includes every pharmaceutical spam-bot on the planet. Plus 2, maybe even 3, actual humans. And I've been known to post a picture of a cat on my blog.
"reader list" I that some sort of blog talk? I think I've covered that by #8
Because I like corn balls. That's why. Imagine the disappointment of the people who hit my blog while trying to find help for hormonal imbalances.
I think you are great at blogging (when you do it lol) and tweeting.
And obviously a great roommate picker. BTW – BlogHer 11 – I'm going sans sex toys so, you know, just let me know if you need a boring roomie. :)
Yes, the one thing I can do is pick roommates. Not sure I'm going. Im on the blog fence.
Love it. I rather like the simplistic look. Except for the smiley face guy. Surely there's a way to get rid of him. FIrst time stopping by; I'll be back!
Wait, so what DID happen with the wevibe girl? Was it horrifying? Hilarious?
My husband described it as "an invader"
It took me three months of diligent training and glue huffing to figure out how to make "8)" into a smiley face. You…you have a gift, my girl. And I'm not just talking about ToyWithMe's vibrator.
I think the gift was me in her bed with the vibrator ;) Ummm…that may have come out wrong.
Totally Hilarious! And, I don't honestly believe you suck… but maybe you can keep "anonymous tech guy" around? And ToyWithMe, good fun friends you have here!
Yup, they sure are!
To the best stranger a girl could sleep with! P.S. Good thing you brought those ear plugs lady ;)
You were the best. Did we luck out or what? We both left with heads in tact.
Even our naps where timed perfectly.
From those of us who also suck, thank you for the inspiration! You do a great job!
You do suck at blogging. Because you hardly ever blog. Like me. And that makes me feel better.
But dude, you are AWESOME at vlogging. And Twitter. And being the next Martha. And being funny. You totally rule at life.
That should counter whatever suckage at blogging you have by 600 bajillion percent.
Also? I love you. Hard. I don't care if you don't care, I love you anyway.
Do you suck at blogging or do you blow at blogging? See, if you were a better blogger, you would have gone into a navel-gazing rant about that.
There's not much hope for you, so it's a good thing you're cute.
i once had a list going of random thoughts that were going through my mind one morning. #8 on the list turned into a smiley face for me too. i had to have my webmaster tell me what it was b/c i didn't understand it, and then i added the smiley face as #8 to my list of thoughts going through my head. to this day i still can't tell you what it was that made #8 turn into a smiley face.
Okay. I'm back. We can be friends. You had me at "tech guy."
The only thing you suck at is sucking…you are far from any suckage. I know, I have said suck a lot in this comment I am just trying to see how many times I can incorporate the word suck into this post. Do I win anything?
Seriously, your posts and tweets are a million times better than the majority of sh*t I read on a daily basis.
Don’t stop! Ever. Please and thank you.
I love this! You're making every blogger sleep a little easier tonight because I think we all think we suck. At least I do.
totally awesome post, definitely no suckage. I too have gotten the smiley face when I was talking about point 8. What a wonderful community of bloggers! We will learn how to do this together! Keep on writing!
Awww, how lovely you are. But I will have none of this suck business. Not for one minute. It's unbecoming, especially for those in a position such as yours. It's like when skinny bitches say they look fat – wearing a bikini. Venting is fine and you are so endearing. Oh, I lurf you! But I am sincere in my adoration and the only thing you must do is "suck it up" – because you rock so don't be "sucky" and start writing that book/movie/television series. xoxo
What she said!
You two. Heart.
Weren't there supposed to be only 7 reasons? I read 9. You really DO suck. Quite possibly the worst post I've ever read.
Thanks for the laugh, you're hilarious!
andrea http://www.bedtimesareforsuckers.com
This post is so full of win.
The smiley thing is because WordPress helpfully converts common text emoticons to little smiley graphics. So, 8 ) becomes 8)
You can turn it off it you want: http://codex.wordpress.org/Using_Smilies#To_Turn_…
Oh, and I fixed your "Latest Tweets" widget too (you can change the configuration if you want.)
–Anonymous tech guy
Suck or not, i love what ya do.
And as for the smiley, it came from 8) somehow automatically being turned into a emoticon.
And logins, can’t you store that in your browser??? Thats totally what i do!
Log ins stored in a browser. huh?
Bwahahaha! Glad to know I am not alone in my sulkiness. But, really, you are so much better than I am…not that that’s saying much…
You totally don't suck! I love you!
wait that sounds stalkerific.
I um…
ok yeah I do love you
I love this. Your honesty is inspiring. :) (I sometimes can't figure out how in heaven's name the pictures and words move around in my posts, even when I "save" them as they are.) Blogging is annoying sometimes, but I still love it.
You? Effing hilarious. Truly.